at war

i am an agonized soul,

wounded viciously  

in battles between

my inadequate self

and my brilliant self.

insubordination

seems like every shortcoming i have, threw a victory celebration without giving a two-week notice. management will be sending out memos ASAP!

the new blak/brown unity

the final battle for sotomayor to wear her robe is underway. now all the republicans and nay-sayers are to attack and find ways to block her. i was cool with it, from the jumpstart. was happy for her. she's more than qualified. resume's pedigree. did u hear her speech? the parts about her mom? we all could relate: blak, white or other. we all love our mothers. 

what did move me was the constant reminders about the state of relations between blaks and latinos. i mean, i know it's there. i just dont know when it got there. i would agree with my conspiracy friends and say, it was a calculated plot to keep us from uniting. guess what? it worked.

when i was growing up, i was exposed to latinos two ways: one, my uncle the drummer, who found himself in afro-cuba/salsa worlds and (2) the latinos that lived in my neighborhoods in texas. there were no latinos in new orleans that i can even recall. it's safe to say, they (in texas) are mexicans. i met more latinos in chicago. in texas, mostly mexicans and salvadorians. anyhoot, we were cool as a fan in school. no beefs between us. i was interested in how come the whole world knows that blaks and latinos hated each other and i never got the memo.

here's what i know so far:

• some of blak america feels that latinos are riding the coattails of the civil rights movement. they had none of the pain, blood, sweat, and tears but benefit completely from blaks being killed and hung to have equality.
• latinos dont share a desire to uphold affirmative action the way blaks do 
• latinos think blaks should care more about immigration laws.
• Latinos resented the notion that they were merely junior partners in minority politics
  

by the 90s, things turned violent and the blak/brown divide grew wider than grand canyons. i think it's ridiculous. especially when u start tracing genetics/lineages/and history. how two groups of people who are more connected could be at such odds, is beyond me.

and the beef is bad: in california and texas the youth kill each other strictly b/cuz of skin color. both groups dont spend money with the other. no trust whatsoever and the racist remarks and cold glares at each other, up and down the street speaks to the challenges. all of this to jockeying for who is america's favorite minority group? what an honor:(

some say obama owed sotomayor's nomination to the hispanic vote, seeing as how they churned out a remarkable 67% of their vote to him. not a bad trade, if u ask me.

will obama and sotomayor be a soothing balm on the racial tensions of the two groups? maybe. maybe it just takes a little time and the right two leaders to help ease a sore spot. but sotomayor deserves this. she worked her buns off and she holds her own. it is a proud day for women as well as people of color. for now, i choose to be happy in that.

releasing

full moon. 

merc in retro. 

trippy all around. 

already took effect in one area...

sat under the moonlit night 

and recalled 

negative thoughts, actions, words

that need to be released;

that become roadblocks

to optimal performance.

to name them one by one,

and release them.

the great divide

there's this thick wall 

between us

that wont give way.

we go along 

to get along, 

sleep. eat. play.

going thru motions

like we're building 

for a new day.

just robots

on autopilot

moving bricks away.

one by one.

bit by bit.

without urgency

massive delay.

trying to hide 

the obvious:

that we have no faith

in our tomorrow

decluttered elevation

must free my space of

all things that create blockage,

move to higher ground.

late nite, hangover mornings.

not that im drinking but when i go to bed late, my mornings are terrible..i struggle with getting out of the bed. yet, i never want to go to bed before midnite, go figure.

just finished my summer reading list with shelfari. it looks good. great thing, is the first eight books- i already have. i wont have to spend money on books for awhile. really happy about that.

speaks to intent

sincere intentions

fall on deaf ears

silenced by daydreams;

vice-gripping  productivity 

into less than desireable

works of minimalism.

heads bowed, low

at the lack of pride

attached to work,

reminiscent of generations

gone by

that expected excellence

in every action.

so, is the battle- fear?

one more distraction

hindering things-to-do-lists

from being crossed off 

like horizontal victories

in a tic tac toe game.

the deepest exhales

force escape, 

in being humbled by 

the negative realities

of personal truths

and flaws

and ugliness.

yet, amidst intention 

is the awe-inspiring connection

that all 

that is needed

for victory 

is within.

how do u tap the tree

for the sap?

the healing

oozing 

for consumption

for power

to move mountains, 

one rock at a time.

sincere intentions

finally meeting 

with the accuracy

of the great archer

and the determination

of a single link chain.

to produce harvests,

that match 

calabashes

flowing 

with prosperity 

and prayers.

cloned-dawg

just read a short-short about a wealthy couple who cloned their dog, then went looking for the college kid (now grown woman) who used to dog-sit the last dog. they wanted to recreate past life experiences. started off like it was going to be good. it wasnt. i would've written more twists and turns with it. made the dog psycho or something. instead it was all  about the dumb, cloned dog and how it didnt listen. there is a small undercurrent about the superficiality of spending that kind of money, (quarter million) and the soulless materialism that ego-seekers take pleasure in. on to the next short, in the anthology.

dusting off the grant writer

just received a phone call from a long time friend who i had not spoken to in at least a year. she calls to say she is looking for a grant writer. didnt budge. everyone's "looking". then, she says the magic words, "have funds, can pay." she agreed to a few more terms, asked me to send a functional resume and we will go from there. It will be contractual, so it wont interfere with my daily job. it has been at least two years since my last grant. let me get to dusting things off and getting organized. this could be a great break for me, not to mention a significant financial gain. not name dropping but the potential is great and the client, who she is asking for, is HUGE. 

May the Divine bless my endeavors and allow me all success.